by Jeffrey Murrell


Sorry it's taken so long to write,
but I've been busy as usual.
(But when I write, I write plenty, don't I?)
The Tri-City area is wonderful!
I'm a pretty lucky guy, wouldn't you say?
Man, these buildings are incredibly tall.
One's the tallest building to-date
of any free-standing structures in the world.
The view from its observation deck's great!
(I stayed up there too long and almost hurled.)
Yeah, I'm really enjoying myself here;
lots of things to do, lots of pretty girls!

Well, I'm supposed to be here another year.
Let me tell you about two chicks I met.
The first one was cute, but just too damned weird!
She always colored her hair green or red
and cut it real short (like, down to the scalp)!
It seems she had some problem in the head
with hair--she'd rather have a root canal
than have hair anywhere on her body.
She shaved her forearms, and shaved off her eyebrows.
That weird chick even shaved her PUSSY clean!
She hated her hair (loved mine, but hated hers).
And when I saw that I just about freaked.
But that girl had some dynamite curves.
Man, she was loaded in the front and rear!
She could, let's just say, really soothe my nerves.
But the hair thing just got to be too weird.
To top that off, we had a "car problem."
I told her I didn't have a car here,
and she said not to worry, she had one.
So everything was cool the first few weeks;
she usually drove, but I drove some.
So when we'd go out, she'd come to get me.
Then, all of a sudden, she announced
that she was sick of doing everything,
having to drive whenever we went out.
Like, she couldn't have told me that right off?
So, towards the end, she would whine and pout,
and we bitched at eachother and always fought.
So, finally I just said forget it!
No chick is worth that kind of crap, I thought.

It's strange how women don't think of that shit
when it's guys driving them around on dates.
Just try flip-flopping their dating roles with men,
and some women get uptight, and it's plain
to see that it's all such a bunch of crap!
When it comes to selfishness, we're the same.
Neither men nor women want to have
to make the sacrifices they have to
in order to develop a romance.
Like, when's the last time a woman sent you
flowers or candy or romantic stuff
(like that were something you'd let a girl do)?
See, I'm not like you, always acting tough.
I'd love for some girl to send me flowers.
(I loved it when she came to pick me up.)
But NOPE! Only after you marry her;
when you're dating, only men do those things.
(Never mind you're supposed to be PARTNERS!)
People have such hangups, know what I mean?
And modern women are getting so strange.
Like, you go out to places to party,
have some fun, and meet new people, okay?
Right? But if you go up to a woman,
and try to hit it off, or get her name,
she'll more than likely take out all the fun
of it, and act all offended and cold.
But what's wrong with trying to meet someone?
How could some chick go to a club alone
and not expect to get hit on at all?
(It's like some kind of social LAW, you know?)

Despite bitches like that, this place is hot.
It's a big, triple-party paradise!
Summertime brings so many festivals.
All three downtowns have places to hide,
as well as all along the waterfront.
There are even things during wintertime!
You've seen the place in magazines and stuff;
this city's really got a weird layout.
The three distinct business districts all run
along this east-coast stretch from north to south
(they make up one huge metro area).
And on the coastline, no cars are allowed,
so to drive between the three "cities," one
has to stay inland about half a mile
where the coastline gets pushed seaward by bluffs.
There, the vehicular expressway hides
all that messy traffic among the trees
back beneath the city's massive skyline.
I love it here--when friends and I go out we
usually start at the open-air bars
on the beach at the southern-most "city,"
then we hit the pedestrian boardwalk
that connects the cities along the coast,
and head north to the center-city clubs.
We were out until sunrise almost
last weekend, when we were all partying down.
(We ended up northside in a disco!)

Here's some strange trivia about this town:
It's got one mayor and just one police force,
but THREE common councils! How does that sound?
You know, politics are big here (of course);
there are millions of people in this place!
I bet the mayor is really strung out, though,
with three city councils to have to face,
and with that huge constituency
in suburbs sprawling out inland away
from the skyscraper highrise-gated sea.
But you know, it seems to work out all right.
(I'm glad the mayor's someone else, and not me!)

And these people seem to lead a rich life.
There's a hell of a lot of money here.
And, of course, there's also a lot of crime!
The place is famous for its racketeers
and its white-collar criminal no-goods.
Everybody wants to look like gangsters,
driving big cars with such big attitudes,
wearing gold jewelry and expensive clothes
as if they're loaded and better than you.
This I-have-more-stuff-than-you crap is low.
Just what is this attitude all about?
How do those people get off on it so?
It's enough to make you just want to shout
in their faces that they're just shit like you,
that they've got no damned room to strut around!

But let me get off this subject here, dude,
before I go crazy--besides, I need
to move on to strange girlfriend #2!
She was gorgeous, a bit older than me.
We'd go out to gay bars and have such fun!
She was a model, and owned a boutique.
Too bad we really didn't go out much
before she decided she was too old
for someone ten years older than her son.
I mean, that woman just couldn't be sold
on the idea that it is okay
for guys to date women a bit more old.
It's not like there was a difference in age
between us that made it any huge sin.
Man, loosing out on her was such a shame!
Actually, I guess that I blew it.
I shouldn't have sent her those love letters.
It looks like I just got too serious
in love, and too mushy and stuff for her.
Must have been too soon after her divorce.
She was married to a big-shot lawyer,
and I hear her ex was really a dork,
short and fat and ugly and going bald.
But that guy was really loaded, of course!

You know, man, isn't that just typical?
All some women care about is money.
Guys need to be loaded, not beautiful
to get preyed on by parasites like these!
She was so beautiful, and I'm not rich;
'think that's why she really didn't want me.

She was so hot, but man, was she a bitch.
She would rent gowns to gays out of her shop
when they would do their drag-queen shows and shit.
Sometimes they conveniently forgot
to pay her, so she'd go out and would hunt
for them in the gay bars; and once she caught
up with one while we were on a mission
seeking wild and romantic adventure.
He got busted--what great entertainment!

It's strange how she was so sleek and mature,
but she made me feel like a kid again
(like when all of us old friends were together).
She just seemed so with it and real open.
Oh, well! Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose,
sometimes we're just careless and end up dead.

Man, it all reminds me so much of you.
I can't wait 'till we can relive old times,
and talk for hours like we used to do.
Yeah, man, I tell you what--that will be nice;
we'll swap war stories and jokes and all that.
But to keep in touch, we just have to write.

I told you about my highrise flat?
Man, it's great--I've got such a killer view
of the water, and I can have my cat!
Power's included, and it's furnished, too.
I like to sit at my windows to look
down at the back garden, so green and cool.
In the summer, we go out there to cook.
(I've got a bunch of really nice neighbors.)
It's been a year since they've brought in wood
for a handicap plot and access door.
I don't think they're ever going to finish.
There's half a platform laid of bricks and boards
surrounding two raised rectangular log pits
filled up with soil so people in wheelchairs
don't have to get down to tend a garden.
I hate things started without further care!
They've only got a little bit to go
to finish up on that garden-box pair.
So what's the damned problem, I'd like to know?

It'll look so pretty once they've got it done,
with every patch tended by spades and hoes,
and small flowers coming up in the sun,
kept company by beans and cucumbers,
finely decorated by long vine runs.
It's a pretty sight to look out over.
I just wish the picture was all completed.
To me, things left undone lack full power.

Well, it's time for me to wrap this one up.
Take care--I'll write again soon.
Until then, try to stay out of trouble!